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It’s Our Anniversary! Five Things I Learned in my FIRST year of Marriage

January 4, 2019Mikaela Ian

Today is our anniversary! Jason and I have been married one year today and it’s been a year! It feels like it was yesterday, and we were finalizing all the details, getting the invites out, selecting the menu, making sure everything was ordered and then getting ready on the actual day.

January 4, 2018 was a blustery day. The service was beautiful and so was the reception. The weather didn’t cooperate, and I had a last-minute hairstyle change as a result, but we got bouts of sunshine and our photos came out great thanks to our awesome team of Kageaki Smith and Alex Masters. Everyone seemed to have a good time and we were able to bring our families together.

I could go on and on about the day, but a wedding does not make a marriage. Having been together for almost seven years, I stupidly assumed marriage would be easy. IT IS NOT!!! I know a year isn’t a long time, but I’ve learned A TON over the past 365 days in being Mrs. Thomas. Here are the top five things:

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done

Marriage is hard work. I knew that going in, but I didn’t imagine it would be as hard as it is. There were times when both of us felt like walking away, but after lots of prayers, conversation and soul searching, we managed to work it out. I’ve learned to be more respectful, loving, kinder and giving, amongst other things. I’ve also learned that Jason can’t read my mind and that even though I communicate for a living, I’m not the best communicator in my relationship. It’s soo hard but worth it. Every single day we work at it knowing that we love each other immensely and want to be married to each other.

Listen to your partner

My husband tells me all the time that I don’t listen to him and he’s right. I hear him, but I’m not actually listening. And I tell him the same. When we both stop talking and listen to each other, we are efficient and effective. We get shit done and it just makes life a whole bunch easier. Plus, there ends up being les repetition, which gets super annoying. I get annoyed repeating things to the kids so imagine how annoying it is to continually repeat information to your partner.

Be a team

This sounds super easy, but it’s hard. I’ve always been this strong, independent woman and the idea of merging every aspect of my life with someone was not appealing to me. I figured I could still be Mikaela Ian Pearman while being married. But I was wrong. Once we learned to be a team, things improved. I had to learn to put aside my pride and really focus on being a supportive, loving wife. And he had to learn to be that supportive, loving husband. It sounds like something super simple, but in reality, it was hard. But when you can master it, it’s life changing. We are definitely #TeamThomas.

Be open and honest

This one has always been hard for me because vulnerability is not attractive to me. The idea of opening yourself and being so honest and raw is rough AF. I always assumed I would no longer be someone he wanted to be with if I really opened up and allowed him to see everything under the hood. But, he actually still loves me and wants to spend his life with me. Who knew vulnerability was such a good trait?!

Use kindness at all times

I’m pretty much known for saying whatever comes to mind without any regard for the person I’m talking to. I’ve always justified it by claiming I say what everyone is thinking. Which may be true, but it doesn’t make it kind. I’ve learned that when you’re married, you really must stop and be cognizant of what you’re saying to your partner. I can apologise all I want after the fact, but the stench of the words will never go away. So I’m learning to be kinder and speak to my husband in the same way I’d like to be spoken to.

Those are just five things I’ve learned over the past year. There are many more, but I don’t want to take up much more of your time. If you are married, what did you learn in your first year of marriage?! Let me know in the comments.

Photos by Alex Masters and Kageaki Smith.

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